Why is it that we can receive a multitude of positive feedback whether it is about our dogs, handling, training, instructing, breeding program, etc. and casually acknowledge these yet get our feelings hurt when we hear but one negative comment and allow ourselves to dwell on the negative?
Many years ago when I travelled the country conducting my obedience seminars, I handed out a survey at the end of my early seminars. The plan was to get feedback in what I could improve upon in my presentation, etc. Most of the responses were in the positive some with great suggestions on what to improve which, of course, made me feel pretty good. But there would always be that one negative survey (devoid of being constructive) that would bring me down even among all the positive affirmations!
People who filled in their surveys with positive feedback didn't hesitate to sign their names while the negative survey was left unknown.
My first reaction was to take it very personal as I worked so hard at presenting the audience with all the knowledge as to what made me successful in the obedience ring with my strong desire to share it with them....isn't that what they paid good money for? Then why would I allow myself to fall prey to my emotions upon knowing that one person wasn't satisfied among the 100 or so that were?
As I would be seated on the plane to take me home, I would ponder the negative survey and read it over to see if there was anything I could learn from this negative criticism. Most often the few negative surveys were devoid of useful content but I do remember that some were valid as I swallowed my pride and opened myself up to learn from these and make the necessary changes to my program.
In time I came to the realization that I was striving to please everyone in attendance and in turn feel validated. I was a perfectionist, after all, in the training of my dogs to which I carried this 'perfectionist' mindset into my seminars.
What I learned was that I could not please everyone...what a revelation!!!!
In changing my mindset (and no longer handing out survey forms) I came away from each seminar that I conducted with a stronger conviction that I was already being validated by the mere fact that my seminars were in great demand weekend after weekend, month after month and year ~ after year ~ after year ~ AFTER YEAR!!! How cool was that!!!!
I absolutely LOVED doing seminars in helping people all across the USA & Canada to achieve success with problem solving being my passion. My goal was not to change what was already working for them but to simply fix what wasn't. I was not out to make these handlers become 'DeMello's Followers' and adapt my system of training but to merely tweak what needed tweaking in their own training methodology. Yes, I did have a step by step training program of which my students benefitted from. Of course, there were many individuals that sought my guidance from puppy training up through OTCH achieving and in so doing I guess these students were 'followers' to some extent.
Throughout those years of helping others to achieve their own form of perfect performances, I always ended my seminars with this:
"If there was something you didn't like about my seminars, tell me...if there was something you did like about my seminars then tell everyone else!"
I carry this attitude into my breeding program. I am still a perfectionist but age has found its way in also teaching me to be a realist. While I continue to strive to breed for 'perfect' Hob Nob border collies, I know that is not being realistic...but it doesn't stop me from trying!
In learning years ago that I could not please everyone, I strive to produce a border collie that pleases me and in so doing my Hob Nob border collies have also proven to please a lot of other people.
No breeding program is without it's share of problems that inevitably crop up...genetics have their way of popping up every now and then that can rattle the best intentions and breeding plans. Its what a breeder does, or doesn't do, that can help a breeding program go the distance.
The downside to any respectable breeding program can be when dissatisfied customers want to tell anyone who will listen that they are not happy with their product/puppy yet fail to let the breeder know this and the reasons why. Any responsible breeder should be open to hear the negative along with the positives as this feedback is what can help both parties involved.
Unfortunately, it seems on the few instances that someone is not happy with their 'product' they choose to tell everyone else rather then to tell the breeder.
Remember how I ended my seminars of years ago as I stated above? I also carry this into my breeding program:
If there is something you don't like about my breeding program, tell me...If there are things you do like about my breeding program then tell everyone else!"
Even in the shadow of a negative response, I, for one, will choose to
ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE!
That'll do:>)
Jan DeMello who is extremely proud about my wonderful Hob Nob Border Collies who are Simply THE Best in my eyes!
